Sleepless In Loveland

wow....all my rants that involve helping me sleep and clearing my chest of worries involve insulting people. I think I need to seek counseling. If you want a synopsis of what I was going to write...here. 1.skinny people don't like be called skinny or belittled by size as much as slightly overweight people like being called cows and beached whales. 2. Public Affection is going to drive me to kill every teen in the mall, and a few others. 3. I want more babies in my life. 4. pre-missionaries should not be in such a serious relationship that they take couples pictures and/or exchange rings. I'm not talking set camera down and pose, I'm talking photographer.

(number four needs elaboration)Missions make boys men. Boys are not ready for marriage or marriage commitment. Missions, teach future fathers and future husbands traits that make them worthy of the title "Man". I married a man, and I knew it the moment he bore his unshakable testimony to me. Testimonies make men amazing. It's impossible to ask a boy, or young man, to devote himself fully to God for two years...but still think of you often and fondly, and write and continue to devote a good portion of his heart to their one true love and soulmate. I wasn't the best in math, but it doesn't take a genius intellect to know you can't fraction something into two complete wholes. It's still not full in one or the other. Half empty in every aspect. Why would prophets command young me to put his divine work before marriage or serious dating if it wasn't directly related to your eternal salvation. In other news...DOUG IS GOING TO PERU! I'm totally stoked for you, and when you get back to Texas in two or so years you should call me and talk Peruvian to me so I can hear what it sounds like. I'm sorry if you feel offended (anyone I know and love), but if you were an alcoholic and I bashed alcohol (I have other metaphors on record if you so wish)...I wouldn't apologize for it. And honestly that's a much nicer paragraph than prophets have spoken of on the subject, so I don't feel bad.

I guess I can talk about the baby thing. I desire a child soo badly. I know it's personal to talk about trying for babies, and sometimes wanting/planning one. But if I'm pregnant, public will not be informed. I didn't mind everyone knowing we lost the baby, I minded the never ending sympathy and the pain it caused others to think there was a remote chance they hurt my feelings. Call me the ice queen, but with God all suffering can be avoided. I'm not acting strong, I'm acting on my strength. Wow, that's a really good line. That is sooo going to go on someone's quote wall and I want full credit for that. I just made that up. I'm not acting strong, I'm acting on my strength. You could even interchange words. Like I'm not acting faithful, I'm acting on my faith. Love works too. I'm not acting kind, I'm acting on my love. OH MAN! I could write a book about those sentences. I just realized how egotistical that just sounded, but it totally surprised me as I typed it.

Anyways, the miscarriage is on my mind a lot. But not in the way most would think. I'm not mourning, I'm just anxious for the chance to get that happiness again. My only experience with that is brief, and it's all I'll have as reference when we're blessed again. I don't want people to cry for me, I want them to cry with me. And since I'm not crying, You wipe those sissy tears up SOLDIER!

I'm done now. Maybe now I can sleep. I'm looking forward to waking up in five and a half hours to enjoy breakfast with Travis. I plan on staying madly in love with him.

-Heather Rand Meredith

If it's something you have to handle, I guarantee you can handle it.

You know that sneaky suspicion that you're about to get a calling you won't enjoy? Not sure if I like that feeling. I remember the first time I felt that way. It was when we were blessed (I say that with a sarcastic tone to start) to teach the 4-5 year old class in Primary. Oh by the way, the two previous sisters ASKED to be released after that calling. No worries, you guys can handle these kids even though two experienced mother's couldn't. So the Lord prompted bishop to ask a team, Travis and I. It was scary, and the kids were having a hard time adjusting to getting a new teacher again. They were also having to adjust to a schedule unlike their last year in primary which was sunbeams. Which is like, "who loves you? JESUS!!" It's a tough age, but my attitude made it worse. Every Sunday I struggled to get excited about going to church. Every Sunday was tough, and we had to experiment with seating arrangements. Who knew it made a difference who they were sitting by. Then one day I got the thought, divine inspiration more like it, that I should bring my ugly stuffed animal octopus to class to help the kids understand a story and when to fold their arms. Considering he has eight to fold, it seemed genius. The kids were so amazed by it. Normally they shift in their seats during story time, suddenly Alma is an Octopus and everything made sense. Abinadi was a fish, in case you were wondering. And if you have no idea who Alma or Abinadi is, look it up on lds.org. You'll find the story easy peasy.

Needless to say Sundays became fun, and I began to realize God, not the bishopric, picked me to teach the little ones. When one of the kids moved away I teared up a little. He was a sweet kid, who had issues with sitting still. And if he wanted you to call on him he would say hello! with this adorable lisp. He responded quite well to the stuffed animal method, and became more well behaved. It got even worse as we realized rent was expensive and we were going to move out of the ward. I'm sure the kids have adjusted, and last time I saw one of them he looked like he'd grown a foot. It was tough, but after I got the hang of it, it was awesome.

Now we are in Nursery. Two steps younger than our last calling. Nursery is divided into three equally awesome sessions of fun. Nursery is two hours long for any of my not Mormon friends.

Session 1: Play with toys

Session 2: Put toys away and watch Bradony (Sister Lesser) during Sing-A-Long time

Session 3: Vague lesson, coloring time, and most importantly..SNACKS!!

It's fun, and last Sunday I skipped a little bit of Sunday school to play with the kids. We alternate with the Jameson family, and last Sunday I was supposed to be in class. I have misaligned hips, which are easily fixed with the right exercises and stretches. I didn't do them on fast Sunday because everyone sleeps in on fast Sunday to avoid the temptation of eating breakfast. Taking ibuprofen on an empty stomach is a bad idea. When you can't take anything for pain and you're experiencing it, sacrament isn't very spiritual. I began to cry, but that was partly because of the spirit. You would've skipped Sunday school too. Sitting down is agony some days, so I went for a walk and stumbled into the nursery. The kids were nice and distracting and didn't mind me coming in to play. The Jameson's didn't mind either although I'm sure they're still wondering why I was there. lol

Moral of the story. Even though I don't have kids yet, I'm blessed to spend time with them. I'm so blessed to hear their sweet lisps, and how easily entertained they can be. To think children are anything other than loving and innocent spirits is false. Very very false. How can you look into the eyes of a child and see anything other than heaven looking back at you? I'll let you answer that. I wouldn't be too disappointed if my kids skipped to the toddler phase. It's the teenage phase I worry about. But luckily, I'm learning so much about kids I'm hoping I won't be so clueless when I have mine. And my sisters-in-laws are teaching me plenty about the teenage phase, and my parents-in-law are teaching me how to properly deal with that phase. 

Actually new Moral of the Story, accept what God, life, karma, or (insert your belief system here), throws at you. If it's something you have to handle, I guarantee you can handle it.

Off to BED!!

-Heather Rand


*Edit- Click here for Moroni chapter 8 (it will open in a new window) This chapter has always inspired me, and it's wonderful to read. It's also a comfort. Not a long read, so don't worry. It talks about how children are innocent, and very much alive in Christ. It's worth reading I promise.