What a wonderful talk this was, and how fitting it can seem at any time in one's life.
Face the future with faith source
But because dear reader/friend you are reading this you care. Since I informed so publicly that we were expecting, I felt I should somewhat publicly inform all that we will no longer be expecting so soon. The baby didn't develop and my body hasn't quite realized it yet. But don't say sorry, deepest sympathies, and although many already have, no more prolonged sympathy hugs. I love hugs, but not those kind. They remind me why I'm getting an extra special hug, not because I'm extra special but because something that is common to most women who get pregnant unfortunately happens. Very common, but a good friend recently said to me, "Miscarriages are common, but in no way are they normal." (naturally I'm paraphrasing) Right now I'm not delving deep into depression, nor am I being so dramatic as to assume I'll never be a mother. Do not feel embarrassed if you are just learning of this, to ask about it is not a spear to my heart. I know many have inquired of the pregnancy and get such a look of sadness when they are corrected. Do not dismay dear friends, I am sorry I didn't make an announcement sooner, because this is something we wanted our family and friends to share so we wouldn't have to.
I have a testimony that is steadfast and immovable of all things pertaining to happiness. Those of you who know my beliefs, know that I believe in Eternal Families. I was married to the greatest man in the world in a Temple of God for time and all eternity. Not till death, forever. A concept that is often hard to imagine, but I'm delighted at the prospect of forever with my hubby. We also have forever with any child born, or maybe not quite, because they will be born into the covenant we made. Although, I do not feel this underdeveloped fetus did have a spirit because of how early the pregnancy it was, if it did have a soul it'll be waiting for me when I get there. This experience, although not over, has already brought us closer together. Although most people wish for a stronger marriage, most don't wish to gain it through trials. I will gladly accept my dues. I also know my redeemer lives! He has felt anguish of mothers all over the world who have experienced the same thing I will. How can I do anything but rejoice in the fact that someone has already felt my pains and will be here to comfort and guide me? I know there was nothing I could do to fix this, so I see no point in dwelling on the negative. Often we need to stop and realize we don't have experiences like this simply because our creator wants to watch us suffer. I have stopped and wondered, what will I learn from this? How will this make me a greater mother in the future? How will this make me a better wife? Do I realize even a fraction of how much pain Christ went through for the world's sins?
These things and more I can learn from this, and although I don't have all the answers now I know I will be mother one day and a darn good one. I learned from the best. I also know that I am loved by my creator, how wonderful it is to know that the most powerful being in the universe knows me and loves me for all my strengths and all my faults! Friends, I will be as happy and healthy as I was but a few months ago, so do not worry. I do appreciate the prayers, as they may be the source of our calm and comfort. I know that the Holy Ghost will guide and heal if I am willing to heed.
I am tempted to say amen
-Heather
p.s. for my non-mormon friends I highly recommend listening, reading, or watching a recent talk given by Dieter F. Uchtdorf titled I think: Forget me not. It was wonderful and uplifting and a joy for any Christian to hear.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Bird for Sale
Poor, poor Sydney. She isn't getting the attention she needs, so she's resorted to squeeling like a banshee. It's trying on my hormonal nerves. And in the end Baby > Bird. Sydney on Craigslist I feel like a jerk. I never wanted to be that young couple who gets a pet and realizes it's too much. But apparently we're dog people.
Onto brighter news I went to Texas! It was wonderful, although I was sad I didn't get to see any friends because I was too busy enjoying family. It was the same as I remember it, hot and full of monster sized bugs. But the first night there I woke up for a few minutes at sunrise and almost cried. The birds in Colorado that sing in the morning just aren't the same as the ones I grew up listening to. And while in Texas I went to my favorite cosmetics store and spoiled myself. Yes, Lush. I got like 6 samples of crap I wanted to try and bought some random stuff too. I bought myself two massage bars, for stretch marks and back rubs (since the main ingredient in all their massage bars is cocoa butter), a shampoo bar that smells yummy, a trial sample of my favorite lotion for five bucks, and a bath melt. Funny story to go with that bath melt. I payed about six bucks for a bath melt, so when I got out of the tub I realized that's a six dollar bath I only spent a few minutes in. So naturally I offered the water to my dad, the only other person awake. A few minutes later he slipped, and broke the faucet to the bathtub. I thought to myself great, I killed my father. After going on a grand Morris adventure to turn the water off, we doctored up my dad and he was good to go. My mom said no amount of Ambien could've kept her asleep when she heard that crash. She thought it was me falling in the tub and naturally maternal instincts freak out at that point. lol
And I found a new love. It's called Sympathy for the Skin. It's main ingredient is BANANAS!!! Literally, the fruit...It makes my skin oober soft and it smells pretty yummy. And it adds a natural shine to wherever I put it because of all the beneficial oils.
I also discovered another love! Lush has a breast firming cream called Lovely Jubblies. Now before criticizing that tiny people don't have stretch marks or saggy breasts, I will defend myself by saying I wanted to experience the smell. My mom scoffed when I said I had stretch marks, so let me add that just because I'm tiny does not make me perfect or immune to natural disasters. The smell is like frolicking through a field of flowers. It's glorious, even Travis told me I smelled good. As far as firming goes, I have no idea if it actually works because I am immune to THAT particular issue thanks to my youth and constant vigilance.
I still haven't experienced "morning sickness" and I am quite happy. Unless I get criticized for any reason whatsoever in any aspect of my life. I am a walking time bomb, so if you try to push my buttons they will be pushed and I will push back and then make you feel like a jerk for making the pregnant woman cry. You should feel bad, I feel special right now. And my mom says, it's because I am. Luckily, Travis has yet to push me to anger for any reason so I think he may be immune because he's so awesome. I'm also greatful I don't eat this much normally, it's time consuming and I feel mildly disgusting when I stuff my face 24/7. YAY FOR BABIES!!! I love babies, and I love mine! Can't wait to see on Wednesday when I get my 8 week ultrasound of the little squirt. I'm stoked.
Onto brighter news I went to Texas! It was wonderful, although I was sad I didn't get to see any friends because I was too busy enjoying family. It was the same as I remember it, hot and full of monster sized bugs. But the first night there I woke up for a few minutes at sunrise and almost cried. The birds in Colorado that sing in the morning just aren't the same as the ones I grew up listening to. And while in Texas I went to my favorite cosmetics store and spoiled myself. Yes, Lush. I got like 6 samples of crap I wanted to try and bought some random stuff too. I bought myself two massage bars, for stretch marks and back rubs (since the main ingredient in all their massage bars is cocoa butter), a shampoo bar that smells yummy, a trial sample of my favorite lotion for five bucks, and a bath melt. Funny story to go with that bath melt. I payed about six bucks for a bath melt, so when I got out of the tub I realized that's a six dollar bath I only spent a few minutes in. So naturally I offered the water to my dad, the only other person awake. A few minutes later he slipped, and broke the faucet to the bathtub. I thought to myself great, I killed my father. After going on a grand Morris adventure to turn the water off, we doctored up my dad and he was good to go. My mom said no amount of Ambien could've kept her asleep when she heard that crash. She thought it was me falling in the tub and naturally maternal instincts freak out at that point. lol
And I found a new love. It's called Sympathy for the Skin. It's main ingredient is BANANAS!!! Literally, the fruit...It makes my skin oober soft and it smells pretty yummy. And it adds a natural shine to wherever I put it because of all the beneficial oils.
I also discovered another love! Lush has a breast firming cream called Lovely Jubblies. Now before criticizing that tiny people don't have stretch marks or saggy breasts, I will defend myself by saying I wanted to experience the smell. My mom scoffed when I said I had stretch marks, so let me add that just because I'm tiny does not make me perfect or immune to natural disasters. The smell is like frolicking through a field of flowers. It's glorious, even Travis told me I smelled good. As far as firming goes, I have no idea if it actually works because I am immune to THAT particular issue thanks to my youth and constant vigilance.
I still haven't experienced "morning sickness" and I am quite happy. Unless I get criticized for any reason whatsoever in any aspect of my life. I am a walking time bomb, so if you try to push my buttons they will be pushed and I will push back and then make you feel like a jerk for making the pregnant woman cry. You should feel bad, I feel special right now. And my mom says, it's because I am. Luckily, Travis has yet to push me to anger for any reason so I think he may be immune because he's so awesome. I'm also greatful I don't eat this much normally, it's time consuming and I feel mildly disgusting when I stuff my face 24/7. YAY FOR BABIES!!! I love babies, and I love mine! Can't wait to see on Wednesday when I get my 8 week ultrasound of the little squirt. I'm stoked.
Friday, September 9, 2011
There is sunshine in my soul today...
A tiny post against your morning roast, because I really hate Coffee. I dislike anything that you must sweeten to make it taste good, and most of all I hate thinking that there are millions of innocent people in this world loosing there free will for a few minutes every morning because an addiction to such high amounts of caffeine. I have a soda with caffeine every now and then, but not to the point where I can't function without it. Or I get this weird tingling in my stomach because I've had it every morning for fifteen years and I need it NOW! yea no....
In other news aside from bashing America's favorite beverage. I'm preggers. And I'm pretty stoked about it. Sure it's kind of early to tell people (6 weeks), but for those who don't know I believe/know that I will be with my family forever. That's why I got married in a temple. So if the worse happens in this pregnancy, I have my testimony of eternal families to comfort me. Knowing that no matter what this child is mine, is a joyous thought regardless. I am so filled with joy I can hardly explain. I feel different. It's like nothing seems to matter, except this. I have no doubt this baby was meant to be here right now. We weren't trying, but we were considering praying thoughtfully about helping to further our family. Families are the most important part of society. Now a days the family is under attack, under scrutiny. But if you look at many people with "issues" that lead to murder, drugs, or other serious crimes, they started with family problems. You know the serious kind, abuse, divorce. Many people I know and love have risen above such trials, but I will not stop striving to make my home a loving place where the spirit can freely confide comfort in my soul.
As far as how I feel aside from "different", my life is an all you can eat buffet. Although, I've decided if I wasn't eating for two eating this much would gross me out and waste a lot of time. Eating takes up too much time to begin with but now I have to worry about twenty full course meals a day?! I'm not throwing up and every other mother I know says...not yet. How kind. I love rubbing my belly, even though the ultrasound we have shows that it's literally a tiny speck in a slightly bigger "yolk". But it's still precious to me. I may post pictures of all the ultrasounds I get when the baby starts to look like a baby. Enjoy life and smile knowing that there will soon be a sprout of Heather running rampant in the world. muwahahaha!!
-Heather
In other news aside from bashing America's favorite beverage. I'm preggers. And I'm pretty stoked about it. Sure it's kind of early to tell people (6 weeks), but for those who don't know I believe/know that I will be with my family forever. That's why I got married in a temple. So if the worse happens in this pregnancy, I have my testimony of eternal families to comfort me. Knowing that no matter what this child is mine, is a joyous thought regardless. I am so filled with joy I can hardly explain. I feel different. It's like nothing seems to matter, except this. I have no doubt this baby was meant to be here right now. We weren't trying, but we were considering praying thoughtfully about helping to further our family. Families are the most important part of society. Now a days the family is under attack, under scrutiny. But if you look at many people with "issues" that lead to murder, drugs, or other serious crimes, they started with family problems. You know the serious kind, abuse, divorce. Many people I know and love have risen above such trials, but I will not stop striving to make my home a loving place where the spirit can freely confide comfort in my soul.
As far as how I feel aside from "different", my life is an all you can eat buffet. Although, I've decided if I wasn't eating for two eating this much would gross me out and waste a lot of time. Eating takes up too much time to begin with but now I have to worry about twenty full course meals a day?! I'm not throwing up and every other mother I know says...not yet. How kind. I love rubbing my belly, even though the ultrasound we have shows that it's literally a tiny speck in a slightly bigger "yolk". But it's still precious to me. I may post pictures of all the ultrasounds I get when the baby starts to look like a baby. Enjoy life and smile knowing that there will soon be a sprout of Heather running rampant in the world. muwahahaha!!
-Heather
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