...is now divided attention

I couldn't decide what the main topic of discussion would be since sleep has eluded me for the past two hours. Do I want to lay in bed any longer? No.

First topic, I think violence in movies and sitcoms doesn't affect me as much as language or sex because of the household I was raised in....I think. I say this because I was dealing with pretty adult scenarios listening to stories my father would tell. It bothers me more to hear about bad parenting than a sitcom scene with a drive by that killed a few innocent people. Although gangs are probably the result of bad parenting/who cares parenting. Cops deal with a lot emotionally; I would not recommend that for those who lean on the side of heavily empathetic. This subject was brought on by my thoughts as to why The Hunger Games, dealing with children killing each other, didn't upset me in the way it upset my dear friend Anna (name may have been changed). Then I realized my favorite sitcoms are cops dramas starring murder. What really hit me was Pretty Little Liars.  In all honesty, that book disgusted me. Those girls have the worst minds I've ever read, aside from villains in my favorite books. I only read the first out of the who knows how long series simply because I couldn't stand how those girls' brains worked. They were all extremely selfish, shallow, deviants. I also did almost cry when one of my classmates handed me the novel she was reading and said this part is funny read this. It wasn't funny at all. It was essentially some body guards lining up girls and nitpicking until all but one felt worthless. They were narrowing out the ladies to see which one got to sleep with the boss. My classmate seemed a little surprised I didn't find that hilarious....moving on.

NURSERY!!! I love my calling in church. At first I was a little bitter, God can't bless me with children so he puts me around them. And one Sunday I actually left Travis there to get a ride home because I couldn't handle to see happy families. It's obvious that children bring great joy to those who are willing to see them as such. I used to find my thoughts bitter towards people in stores mercilessly yelling at their little ones. But today I noticed I am so happy spending two hours with everyone else's children (18months-3yrs). I laugh when I see the joy in children's eyes over something as simple as chasing around the room. I love to spend time with children, and I realize that I'm in Nursery so I won't long for a child of my own so badly. I enjoy the well wishes of those who say, "Just try this and you'll be pregnant." or "Your time will come." I could live without them, but I won't snap if you say it out loud. I realize one miscarriage doesn't make me an expert, and that plenty of women have gone through more struggles than I. I will count my blessings.

1. I'm not really that frail and sick. Sure my tiny physique, and mono as a teen made me seem a little bit like an accident waiting to result in death....but I haven't really been sick since Christmas. And Laryngitis isn't even that bad. I may have insomnia, but if we kept score I'd still be winning by a long shot.

2. I have a great support system of immediate family and friends AND, if I didn't have those, a great support system through church. I feel God blessing me.

3. I already set a good example to people at school. They already know I will work my butt off, love my husband no matter what, and stay optimistic. Woo! I hope at some point I can steer a few down a path of happiness. Once that's full of love and happiness.

4. I am pretty happy. It's called the Plan of Salvation (see lds.org if you don't know what that is), but it's also referred to as the Plan of Happiness. I am so happy to know my Savior loves me and died for me. I know he understands my sorrows, and delights in my successes.

5. I'm allergic to Wheat. Not a blessing you say? Think again. I now have little options when it comes to eating unhealthy. My only cheap options are fruit, salad, meat, beans, rice, potatoes, etc. I can't sit around and eat five rolls at dinner. I can't go to taco bell, or enjoy a greasy fat ridden hamburger. If I want something completely unhealthy and otherwise delicious (like donuts) I have to make it myself. I don't have the supplies or the money to cook gluten free. Exactly. Never felt better in my life.

6. I'm going to school! Not everyone is blessed with education, and not everyone realizes it's a blessing. I realize it's a blessing, and I plan to learn as much as possible. I love to learn, and the people at my school are growing on me. I realize unless serious life changes take place we won't hang out (aside from school), but I'm glad to learn they are all respectful of me and my boundaries. I do however feel I have to pray really hard in the car before going in to give myself a spiritual shield from a few of the topics of discussion.

I hear the songs of my bed calling my name, or Travis is snoring.
-Heather Rand.